Waiting

It is hard to wait .  I am not normally a patient person.  Gina is not ready to be fully recommitted to the marriage yet.   I am "all in"  This cant go on forever.  its not really possible for me to begin healing while this question hangs over us.  I wish that I had been a better husband for her in the past.  I have been an agent of chaos in my own home.  I am a slob.  this has driven her nuts.  I have also been so self absorbed with my depression that I did not see her pain.  She wanted so much for me to desire her for what she is now.  It not too much to to ask.  I neglected her and she eventually decided to find someone to commit adultery with.  She says she has reasons( not yet fully given) but not excuses.  I think she wanted out and this was the only way she could think of for me to let her go.  Only I am not letting her go.  I still love her.  I will change. I will do what it takes.     I am still in terrible pain and confusion.  I weep everyday over this.  Its better than anger.  I wish I could get the images out of my head.    

Lord, help me to remember that I have Forgiven Gina.  Please help her to recommit to me so that together we can build a new marriage based on true passion for each other.   Please guide and protect Halbert.